You feel that you are lonely
It doesn't prove that you are alone
You feel that nobody want you
It doesn't mean no one cares about you
Sunday, March 25, 2012
When I Say That I Love You
You feel that you are lonely
It doesn't prove that you are alone
You feel that nobody want you
It doesn't mean no one cares about you
Kesaksian
24/3/2012
Malam ni ada Malam Pujian dan Penyembahan CYC di gereja. Kawan ku cakap tunggu bas jam 6.45pm. Saya tidur jam 4++pm. Bangun 6.15pm. Tapi badan masih malas mau bangun. Kawan sorang lagi cakap exora ada dalam 7-8pm sampai. Saya fikir2 mau pergi ka tidak. Saya cakap saya ikut. Tapi masih baring-baring lagi atas katil. Herm.. Bangun dari katil, tengok fb. Fikir pasal PI. Saya ada terjumpa satu fb Warisan Sarawak di KL dan Selangor. Jadi saya try tanya macam mana mau pinjam barang2 untuk PI nanti. Good response from them.
Tengok jam 7.23pm. Pergi mandi. Tapi hati saya macam rasa mau dan tidak mau pergi. Tapi saya pergi juga. Sampai sana, memang hati saya kosong. Saya bermesej dan main game di hp sebelum event bermula. Sampai ada kawan tegur saya kenapa. Saya share sikit ja la. Memang hati saya tidak mau dan degil. Pujian dan penyembahan pun saya tepuk tangan ja. Mulut memang tidak mau nyanyi. Time pujian dari SIB Wangsa Permai, memang best mereka punya pelayanan. But my heart full of stubbornness even I like their pelayanan.
Dengar khutbah dari pendeta pun, saya dengar, dengar macam tu saja. Then, part paling saya tidak suka time part pendeta tu panggil ke depan bagi sesiapa yang mau menyerahkan hidup diri kepada Tuhan sepenuhnya. Walau pun hati saya tidak mau, saya paksa diri saya juga untuk pergi depan. Memang tiap kali ada doa2 macam tu, saya paling tidak suka. Kalau boleh saya mau mengelak dari tu semua. But I force myself. Force, force and force. Walaupun saya tidak bersedia untuk menerima semua tu, tapi saya pergi depan juga untuk minta didoa. Sebab saya fikir, maybe sekarang saya tidak mau, mana tau after I have been prayed by them, my heart will change. But tonight, after I have been prayed by one church member we have praise and worship again.
Tiba-tiba ja saya boleh nyanyi dan keluarkan suara. Siap angkat tangan memuji Tuhan lagi. Sebelum ni saya malu2 mau angkat2 tangan untuk memuji. Sukacita penuhiku! Puji Tuhan! Harap hati saya untuk esok masih sama terbuka dan terbuka.
By the way, Pastor SIB Wangsa Permai looks still young. Wow. Dahsyat. Mudanya dia jadi Pastor. Muda maksud saya sini muda macam dalam lingkungan 27 above umur dia tu. Before this I met Pastor yang agak berusia la. Tidak pernah nampak muda macam dia. Kehendak Tuhan untuk dia tu.
Malam ni ada Malam Pujian dan Penyembahan CYC di gereja. Kawan ku cakap tunggu bas jam 6.45pm. Saya tidur jam 4++pm. Bangun 6.15pm. Tapi badan masih malas mau bangun. Kawan sorang lagi cakap exora ada dalam 7-8pm sampai. Saya fikir2 mau pergi ka tidak. Saya cakap saya ikut. Tapi masih baring-baring lagi atas katil. Herm.. Bangun dari katil, tengok fb. Fikir pasal PI. Saya ada terjumpa satu fb Warisan Sarawak di KL dan Selangor. Jadi saya try tanya macam mana mau pinjam barang2 untuk PI nanti. Good response from them.
Tengok jam 7.23pm. Pergi mandi. Tapi hati saya macam rasa mau dan tidak mau pergi. Tapi saya pergi juga. Sampai sana, memang hati saya kosong. Saya bermesej dan main game di hp sebelum event bermula. Sampai ada kawan tegur saya kenapa. Saya share sikit ja la. Memang hati saya tidak mau dan degil. Pujian dan penyembahan pun saya tepuk tangan ja. Mulut memang tidak mau nyanyi. Time pujian dari SIB Wangsa Permai, memang best mereka punya pelayanan. But my heart full of stubbornness even I like their pelayanan.
Dengar khutbah dari pendeta pun, saya dengar, dengar macam tu saja. Then, part paling saya tidak suka time part pendeta tu panggil ke depan bagi sesiapa yang mau menyerahkan hidup diri kepada Tuhan sepenuhnya. Walau pun hati saya tidak mau, saya paksa diri saya juga untuk pergi depan. Memang tiap kali ada doa2 macam tu, saya paling tidak suka. Kalau boleh saya mau mengelak dari tu semua. But I force myself. Force, force and force. Walaupun saya tidak bersedia untuk menerima semua tu, tapi saya pergi depan juga untuk minta didoa. Sebab saya fikir, maybe sekarang saya tidak mau, mana tau after I have been prayed by them, my heart will change. But tonight, after I have been prayed by one church member we have praise and worship again.
Tiba-tiba ja saya boleh nyanyi dan keluarkan suara. Siap angkat tangan memuji Tuhan lagi. Sebelum ni saya malu2 mau angkat2 tangan untuk memuji. Sukacita penuhiku! Puji Tuhan! Harap hati saya untuk esok masih sama terbuka dan terbuka.
By the way, Pastor SIB Wangsa Permai looks still young. Wow. Dahsyat. Mudanya dia jadi Pastor. Muda maksud saya sini muda macam dalam lingkungan 27 above umur dia tu. Before this I met Pastor yang agak berusia la. Tidak pernah nampak muda macam dia. Kehendak Tuhan untuk dia tu.
Kasih Masih Ada
Jonathan Prawira
Key: A
A E
Hanya Yang Pernah Merasakannya
F#M E D
Tahu Duri Dalam Dagingku
Bm E F#M
Ternyata Kaulah Yang Paling Mengerti
Bm E
Rahasia Hatiku
A E
Walau Seakan Tiada Harapan
F#M E D
Kasih Yang T'lah Menjadi Dingin
Bm E F#M
Ku Suka Cara-Mu Memulihkan
Bm E
Hatiku Yang Suam
Reff:
A
Saat Yang Lainnya
E F#M
Begitu Mudah Sirna
E D
Kasih-Mu Ya Tuhan
E A
Tetap Bertahan
E A
Engkaulah Alasan
E F#M
Hatiku Percaya
E D
Kasih Masih Ada
E A
Dalam Dunia
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Dear Dendro's and KB's booster
Yes. I have my own penyunting-semangat-turun-kelas now. He is jeng jeng jeng. I like his eyes and his smile. Bagi semangat mau turun kelas tu. hehehehe... Harap-harap ni bukan perasaan yang serius. Kalau tidak, saya perlu bawa lagu Stevenson la ni nanti. Siti penanggur antara tua. Tapi kalu betul2 la macam sanggup juga saya ni. Cinta la katakan. Huahuahua... Ngok. Booster Dendro. Booster KB. Kelas lain tidak sama pula. Herm.. Tapi tidak la. Tidak bertuah dia nanti dapat saya. Why? Because this is what fruit I should reap for what I had planted before..
Saya jeles dengar satu cerita dari kawan saya. Erm.. Tidak apa. Kebahagiaan mereka kebahagiaan saya juga. Enough of one tear drops now. Keep it as a memory. Once you meet the one that once you loved, bless him because isn't blessing people is great. Isn't friend is better than deep relationship. No. I won't let that friendship gone.
One by one, leaving. From what I see. Tanpa mereka niat. Saya pun just let it be that way. No need to tell every one. Keep it by yourself. I must have that emotional smart, from what my lecturer said. Emotional smart where you can keep everything by yourself. Go for emotional smart. Deep in my heart, the heart is seeking for love, intention and attention to be loved and care. But I refuse. I don't like it. I got one now, but I can take it.
Thank you.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Saya jeles dengar satu cerita dari kawan saya. Erm.. Tidak apa. Kebahagiaan mereka kebahagiaan saya juga. Enough of one tear drops now. Keep it as a memory. Once you meet the one that once you loved, bless him because isn't blessing people is great. Isn't friend is better than deep relationship. No. I won't let that friendship gone.
One by one, leaving. From what I see. Tanpa mereka niat. Saya pun just let it be that way. No need to tell every one. Keep it by yourself. I must have that emotional smart, from what my lecturer said. Emotional smart where you can keep everything by yourself. Go for emotional smart. Deep in my heart, the heart is seeking for love, intention and attention to be loved and care. But I refuse. I don't like it. I got one now, but I can take it.
Thank you.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Relieve Everything In One Way by....
crying. It is just that I can do for this moment.
1st, I don't want to have any responsible in any event that I dislike.
2nd, the situation here is weird. I'm not comfortable living in this college.
3rd, hemorrhoid. I wish you will grow until level 4.
4th,not good to be shared here.
5th, not good to be shared here too.
6th, my heart is missing home.
7th, I want to have a home food.
I really want to give out everything by crying.
Die is the word always came across my mind this week. But I look at Him. But again, my faith is not very strong.
What if I die tomorrow? Many things will be end. No need to think much. Everything will go fine and smooth. I can have rest for the whole of my life. And the most important is I don't have to think about my past. The fruit that you have to reap before. I don't have to face that. I wish the last person I want to capture in mind is my mum. I don't have to see their wedding. Love won't change anything for now. It just because of me. Will be okay is not a promise because the situation was changing even we act like normal in front of others.
1st, I don't want to have any responsible in any event that I dislike.
2nd, the situation here is weird. I'm not comfortable living in this college.
3rd, hemorrhoid. I wish you will grow until level 4.
4th,not good to be shared here.
5th, not good to be shared here too.
6th, my heart is missing home.
7th, I want to have a home food.
I really want to give out everything by crying.
Die is the word always came across my mind this week. But I look at Him. But again, my faith is not very strong.
What if I die tomorrow? Many things will be end. No need to think much. Everything will go fine and smooth. I can have rest for the whole of my life. And the most important is I don't have to think about my past. The fruit that you have to reap before. I don't have to face that. I wish the last person I want to capture in mind is my mum. I don't have to see their wedding. Love won't change anything for now. It just because of me. Will be okay is not a promise because the situation was changing even we act like normal in front of others.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
It Is Good To Be Home
Sampai Sibu at 1048am. My dad fetched me at the airport. On the way home, my dad asked me whether I want to buy durian or not. I said don't want but when I saw lot of longhouse people sell local fruits beside the road, they sell durian, isu(a type of durian but doesn't smell like durian), rambutan, langsat and etc. I want to isu. Then my father bought 6 buah isu and 3 durians that cost him for RM24. Quite cheap right compare to KL. At first the price for 2 isu rian is RM5. My father didn't do any tawar-menawar but that uncle secara automatik dia kasi RM4. Dia cakap, "RM4 tau meh.(RM4 also can)." Mereka suruh beli langsat. "Meli lensat Endu. Tau sepi tu. Nda meli nda ngawa.(Buy the langsat. You can try to taste it. If you don't want to buy, it is ok.)" He gave me satu gugus langsat. Tapi saya tidak beli. From that you can see how nice people in Sarawak. That is why I love Sarawak more than other places.
Sampai rumah, saya pegi check saya punya kebun saya tepi rumah dan pokok-pokok buah saya. Kebun sayur saya sudah dikasi bersihkan. Sayur-sayur yang dulu sudah mati. Ermm... Saya tau, indai saya tentu tunggu saya balik untuk uruskan kebun tu lagi nanti. Jambu batu pun banyak buah dia. Quite big in size. My lemon tree grown big already. My mata kucing tree, still the same size. Daun pun berlubang-lubang.
That afternoon, my mum came back from school. We had our lunch together. Story mory. She noticed my finger nail. It is purple in colour. hahaha... She said, " Cat ya kukut ya. Mayuh macam pengawa." I said, "Heeheheh... Nyauka habis exam ari nya ba indai."
That evening, I went to find rambutan. Heehehehe... Sedap nya rambutan. T
Dinner pun, story mory lagi. After dinner, story mory lagi sampai mereka tidur 10++pm.
Too many story to share with each other. I heard one not nice story at our longhouse. Suddenly, I realize one thing, I thanked God for giving them as my parent as they teach me with a good discipline, know how to get along with people, and respect longhouse people.
The next day, I went to school to accompany my friend to meet Cikgu Wong. I met Cikgu Dor. She asked me "How are you doing in UPM? Best?" Me answered, "Best Cikgu until I refused to go back. hahahaa.."
After that, went to Jakar. Bought myself mee kampua putih and mee tauhu. Hahahaha..
Sampai rumah, saya pegi check saya punya kebun saya tepi rumah dan pokok-pokok buah saya. Kebun sayur saya sudah dikasi bersihkan. Sayur-sayur yang dulu sudah mati. Ermm... Saya tau, indai saya tentu tunggu saya balik untuk uruskan kebun tu lagi nanti. Jambu batu pun banyak buah dia. Quite big in size. My lemon tree grown big already. My mata kucing tree, still the same size. Daun pun berlubang-lubang.
That afternoon, my mum came back from school. We had our lunch together. Story mory. She noticed my finger nail. It is purple in colour. hahaha... She said, " Cat ya kukut ya. Mayuh macam pengawa." I said, "Heeheheh... Nyauka habis exam ari nya ba indai."
That evening, I went to find rambutan. Heehehehe... Sedap nya rambutan. T
Dinner pun, story mory lagi. After dinner, story mory lagi sampai mereka tidur 10++pm.
Too many story to share with each other. I heard one not nice story at our longhouse. Suddenly, I realize one thing, I thanked God for giving them as my parent as they teach me with a good discipline, know how to get along with people, and respect longhouse people.
The next day, I went to school to accompany my friend to meet Cikgu Wong. I met Cikgu Dor. She asked me "How are you doing in UPM? Best?" Me answered, "Best Cikgu until I refused to go back. hahahaa.."
After that, went to Jakar. Bought myself mee kampua putih and mee tauhu. Hahahaha..
Friday, January 13, 2012
I was abandoned
Hahaha.. I was abandoned by him, the scandal. OK. Crap. He is away. Tomorrow, he will fly off to Kuching and Sarawak is not his native land ok. Balik awal daripada orang empunya tanah asal.. ceiii.. He's Sabahan. Many people misunderstood about our relationship. Yea. It is not their fault. Biasala.. Perkataan sastera dia, lumrah hidup manusia. If a boy and a girl are very close to each other and there is nothing else, but couple. BUT we are not a couple. We are just a best friend. Ya ya ya.. Tau saya apa ko mau cakap.. best friend tapi macam kapel kan ko mau cakap tu??? Tidak apa.. Tuhan dan kami dua saja tahu yang sebenar. We always said this "Kesian la bakal2 gf/bf kita nanti. Jeles dengan kita dua.. hahahahhaa". Orang yang saya minat baru-baru ni pun fikir kami kapel. adei... Ok la. Marah dia nanti saya post pasal dia.
Statement :
We are not a couple and not dating each other.
Sincerely, Debbie and scandal.
Read someone's blog. Dia always mention and talk about the same thing over and over again. Walaupun kau cakap general about that, but you have to think about others feeling. I know that is your blog. You can say anything you like there. But bear in mind you are a part of the family now. If you keep on saying that, it looks like you hate some of the family members. Hey... Past is past la. Kalau ko mau mengenang pun, sendiri sendiri la kenang. Tidak payah ko kasitau semua orang. It just like you don't or haven't respect the family members. Acceptance is there. But you? Still cannot get along with the members? Maybe ko orang yang jenis 'makai dalam' ku orang Iban. Or maybe I am a forgive-and-forget-little-one, try to do the best for others happiness especially for my own family? Because I have put my own family first after God. Some cases, maybe I'm very pengampun and forget the past just like that, but some cases no. But this is family matter. You must learn to forgive and forget. If you cannot get rid this thing, problem will be there. And I hope you delete the post before somebody else read it. The people you meant there have learnt a lot from her life. She is human. Mistake is there and I want to apologize for what that people had said and done.
Statement :
We are not a couple and not dating each other.
Sincerely, Debbie and scandal.
Read someone's blog. Dia always mention and talk about the same thing over and over again. Walaupun kau cakap general about that, but you have to think about others feeling. I know that is your blog. You can say anything you like there. But bear in mind you are a part of the family now. If you keep on saying that, it looks like you hate some of the family members. Hey... Past is past la. Kalau ko mau mengenang pun, sendiri sendiri la kenang. Tidak payah ko kasitau semua orang. It just like you don't or haven't respect the family members. Acceptance is there. But you? Still cannot get along with the members? Maybe ko orang yang jenis 'makai dalam' ku orang Iban. Or maybe I am a forgive-and-forget-little-one, try to do the best for others happiness especially for my own family? Because I have put my own family first after God. Some cases, maybe I'm very pengampun and forget the past just like that, but some cases no. But this is family matter. You must learn to forgive and forget. If you cannot get rid this thing, problem will be there. And I hope you delete the post before somebody else read it. The people you meant there have learnt a lot from her life. She is human. Mistake is there and I want to apologize for what that people had said and done.
I don’t forgive people because I am weak. I forgive them because I am strong enough to know people make mistakes.
~Forgive and Forget~
With love
With love
Debbie : )
Tomorrow, final paper. Yeah!
Tomorrow, final paper. Yeah!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Happy New Year 2012
Happy New Year 2012 people.
Sorry for being late for 7 days to wish this.
First post in 2012.
I have listed my 2012 resolution but don't have time to post it here.
Wait until I'm home. hehehe...
Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
Yup. It is true. For me. My fault too.
Bye. Pray for my final exam. 2 more papers to go. 3 papers done, answered confidently only 1 paper not really.. 2 subjects got A already. Praise the Lord.
Sorry for being late for 7 days to wish this.
First post in 2012.
I have listed my 2012 resolution but don't have time to post it here.
Wait until I'm home. hehehe...
Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
Yup. It is true. For me. My fault too.
Bye. Pray for my final exam. 2 more papers to go. 3 papers done, answered confidently only 1 paper not really.. 2 subjects got A already. Praise the Lord.
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