When I Say That I Love You

You feel that you are lonely
It doesn't prove that you are alone
You feel that nobody want you
It doesn't mean no one cares about you

Kesaksian

24/3/2012
Malam ni ada Malam Pujian dan Penyembahan CYC di gereja. Kawan ku cakap tunggu bas jam 6.45pm. Saya tidur jam 4++pm. Bangun 6.15pm. Tapi badan masih malas mau bangun. Kawan sorang lagi cakap exora ada dalam 7-8pm sampai. Saya fikir2 mau pergi ka tidak. Saya cakap saya ikut. Tapi masih baring-baring lagi atas katil. Herm.. Bangun dari katil, tengok fb. Fikir pasal PI. Saya ada terjumpa satu fb Warisan Sarawak di KL dan Selangor. Jadi saya try tanya macam mana mau pinjam barang2 untuk PI nanti. Good response from them.

Tengok jam 7.23pm. Pergi mandi. Tapi hati saya macam rasa mau dan tidak mau pergi. Tapi saya pergi juga. Sampai sana, memang hati saya kosong. Saya bermesej dan main game di hp sebelum event bermula. Sampai ada kawan tegur saya kenapa. Saya share sikit ja la. Memang hati saya tidak mau dan degil. Pujian dan penyembahan pun saya tepuk tangan ja. Mulut memang tidak mau nyanyi. Time pujian dari SIB Wangsa Permai, memang best mereka punya pelayanan. But my heart full of stubbornness even I like their pelayanan.

Dengar khutbah dari pendeta pun, saya dengar, dengar macam tu saja. Then, part paling saya tidak suka time part pendeta tu panggil ke depan bagi sesiapa yang mau menyerahkan hidup diri kepada Tuhan sepenuhnya. Walau pun hati saya tidak mau, saya paksa diri saya juga untuk pergi depan. Memang tiap kali ada doa2 macam tu, saya paling tidak suka. Kalau boleh saya mau mengelak dari tu semua. But I force myself. Force, force and force. Walaupun saya tidak bersedia untuk menerima semua tu, tapi saya pergi depan juga untuk minta didoa. Sebab saya fikir, maybe sekarang saya tidak mau, mana tau after I have been prayed by them, my heart will change. But tonight, after I have been prayed by one church member we have praise and worship again.

Tiba-tiba ja saya boleh nyanyi dan keluarkan suara. Siap angkat tangan memuji Tuhan lagi. Sebelum ni saya malu2 mau angkat2 tangan untuk memuji. Sukacita penuhiku! Puji Tuhan! Harap hati saya untuk esok masih sama terbuka dan terbuka.

By the way, Pastor SIB Wangsa Permai looks still young. Wow. Dahsyat. Mudanya dia jadi Pastor. Muda maksud saya sini muda macam dalam lingkungan 27 above umur dia tu. Before this I met Pastor yang agak berusia la. Tidak pernah nampak muda macam dia. Kehendak Tuhan untuk dia tu.

Kasih Masih Ada
Jonathan Prawira
Key: A

 A                E
Hanya Yang Pernah Merasakannya
F#M       E            D
Tahu Duri Dalam Dagingku
Bm            E       F#M
Ternyata Kaulah Yang Paling Mengerti
Bm           E
Rahasia Hatiku

 A                E
Walau Seakan Tiada Harapan
F#M       E            D
Kasih Yang T'lah Menjadi Dingin
Bm        E       F#M
Ku Suka Cara-Mu Memulihkan
Bm             E
Hatiku Yang Suam

Reff:
          A
Saat Yang Lainnya
E            F#M
Begitu Mudah Sirna
E            D
Kasih-Mu Ya Tuhan
E           A
Tetap Bertahan

E         A
Engkaulah Alasan
E        F#M
Hatiku Percaya
E         D
Kasih Masih Ada
E        A
Dalam Dunia

Dear Dendro's and KB's booster

Yes. I have my own penyunting-semangat-turun-kelas now. He is jeng jeng jeng. I like his eyes and his smile. Bagi semangat mau turun kelas tu. hehehehe... Harap-harap ni bukan perasaan yang serius. Kalau tidak, saya perlu bawa lagu Stevenson la ni nanti. Siti penanggur antara tua. Tapi kalu betul2 la macam sanggup juga saya ni. Cinta la katakan. Huahuahua... Ngok. Booster Dendro. Booster KB. Kelas lain tidak sama pula. Herm.. Tapi tidak la. Tidak bertuah dia nanti dapat saya. Why? Because this is what fruit I should reap for what I had planted before..

Saya jeles dengar satu cerita dari kawan saya. Erm.. Tidak apa. Kebahagiaan mereka kebahagiaan saya juga. Enough of one tear drops now. Keep it as a memory. Once you meet the one that once you loved, bless him because isn't blessing people is great. Isn't friend is better than deep relationship. No. I won't let that friendship gone.

One by one, leaving. From what I see. Tanpa mereka niat. Saya pun just let it be that way. No need to tell every one. Keep it by yourself. I must have that emotional smart, from what my lecturer said. Emotional smart where you can keep everything by yourself. Go for emotional smart. Deep in my heart, the heart is seeking for love, intention and attention to be loved and care. But I refuse. I don't like it. I got one now, but I can take it.

Thank you.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Relieve Everything In One Way by....

crying. It is just that I can do for this moment.

1st, I don't want to have any responsible in any event that I dislike.
2nd, the situation here is weird. I'm not comfortable living in this college.
3rd, hemorrhoid. I wish you will grow until level 4.
4th,not good to be shared here.
5th, not good to be shared here too.
6th, my heart is missing home.
7th, I want to have a home food.

I really want to give out everything by crying.
Die is the word always came across my mind this week. But I look at Him. But again, my faith is not very strong.
What if I die tomorrow? Many things will be end. No need to think much. Everything will go fine and smooth. I can have rest for the whole of my life. And the most important is I don't have to think about my past. The fruit that you have to reap before. I don't have to face that. I wish the last person I want to capture in mind is my mum. I don't have to see their wedding. Love won't change anything for now. It just because of me. Will be okay is not a promise because the situation was changing even we act like normal in front of others.